Pondering the Dangers of Assumptions

If I have learned nothing in this past week, I have learned that I should never assume I really know other people or their circumstances.

The lurid details (and rumors) plastered over the "newswaves" about our local men's hockey coach are all the more disturbing because he was among us. The hindsight I am hearing from people - "I always thought he was odd..." "He gave me the creeps from the first time I met him..." - is only that. Hindsight. However real these feelings may have been, they weren't enough to raise the red flags that it is easy NOW to see were so clearly warranted.

While I was not acquainted with the man, some of my family and friends were. And they are completely stunned. I would never, in a million years, call these people naive. Or suggest that they should have spoken up. By all accounts, everyone closest to him is blown out of the water. No matter how many "smoking guns" FOX 2 drags out (how convenient, NOW), nobody who spent time with him on a regular basis saw even a suggestion of what he been accused. He kept it deeply hidden.

In the midst of reeling over this, we learned of a fellow parent who died suddenly. He was a sweet, funny man who clearly adored his three lovely daughters. He spent loads of time with them, really seemed in touch with them and they obviously doted on him. I enjoyed running into him at school functions and soccer games. He always had a kind word about your kids and asked after you in a manner that showed he was interested in your answer.

His smiling face hid a private struggle as well. Nothing at all like the coach - NOT AT ALL. But he had demons that nobody who met him on the street would guess at. I certainly never would have guessed he was anything but completely happy-go-lucky.

Even before all of this I have been on a mission to help my kids see that everyone they come in contact with has a "back story". Whether it is the circumstances of their life or the conversation they had just prior to seeing you, the background carries over and matters. I stress to them that the only thing they should assume is that everyone has a reason for behaving the way they do - good or bad. That we should all try not to take negative encounters personally, because we never know what preceded them.

Savor the good, forgive the bad as much as possible and always, always listen to your instincts. If I can get that across to them, then my work here is done!