Looking back at Breast Cancer

For many of you this will be review, but I was looking through my writing and it occurred to me that I have never posted anything about my breast cancer battle. It is significant to me and I felt compelled to post what I have written about it. Sorry for the length – hard to condense without losing important stuff!

My breast cancer was found by chance. I had noticed some blood tinged discharge from my left nipple but thought it was probably leftover from breast feeding. I mentioned it casually at my annual check-up in September 2002. My doctor felt it was probably nothing but decided to send me for my first mammogram anyway. I was only 33 years old. I had my mammogram in October 2002 and was sent directly in for an ultrasound. Believe it or not, there was NOTHING going on in my left breast (the one with the discharge). But the mammogram and then the ultrasound spotted a suspicious mass in my right breast!

I called my OB/GYN's office for my results from the ultrasound and was told that I had a mass that was probably just a cyst but that was large enough to require needle drainage. At the end of that phone call, I asked the OB/GYN nurse, "So, bottom line, this is not cancer?" She answered, "No, this is not cancer."

I had to get a referral for a surgeon from my primary care physician, so that was my next appointment in early November. My first question for him was, "Can you tell me what you see in the ultrasound that would rule out cancer in my case?" Looking very shocked he said, "Are we ruling out cancer?" and went on to explain why, although I had all kinds of factors in my favor leading to benign, the image he was seeing could not be definitively considered non-cancerous without a biopsy.

I had a surgical biopsy on November 20, 2002 and received my diagnosis on November 21st. Unfortunately, I was still so naive about the process and had gone to a general surgeon for my biopsy so I could get it done quicker. He was a good surgeon and a very nice man, but not very experienced with breast cancer. He laid out every single bit of information for me and my husband and tried very hard to be reassuring, even confiding to me that he had only one testicle and had never had any repercussions from that. Um….wow…..can you say TMI???? And also, by the way, not exactly reassuring, but thanks!

So, there I was, 33...married...with three children ages 5, 3 and nearly 1. My diagnosis was infiltrating ductal carcinoma. I also had some ductal carcinoma in situ.

First, I did some "shopping" and found a surgeon and oncologist who specialized in breast cancer and worked out of a nationally recognized cancer center. I was extremely fortunate to do this “shopping” with an excellent team: my husband and my aunt, who is a nurse. Besides the tremendous support, it was such a relief to have others who would write everything down so I could process in my own time and to ask the questions that I was often too overwhelmed to even consider. And, of course, there was the comedic angle to factor in – they were witnesses to some of the bizarre and ridiculous.

In January 2003 I had a modified radical mastectomy on my right side. In February I had a port inserted into my left arm (which was a drama in and of itself) and began a 4 month chemotherapy regimen. I lost all my hair, had bouts of nausea that made morning sickness seem like nothing, and battled with overwhelming fatigue. I took the summer off and had a TRAM flap reconstruction in September 2003. While I am delighted that I chose to do that, it proved to be more complicated than first imagined. The recovery was long and painful.

I don’t share all of this for pity. All in all, it was an amazing experience. While I wouldn’t have chosen it, I think I am a better person for it. It reinforced for me how amazing my family and circle of friends is. It humbled me as to the generosity of acquaintances and even strangers. It helped clarify my life priorities. And, of course, it gave me some pretty hilarious stories.