Summer Weekend to Savor

Ahhhhh..... the perfect bliss of this late June weekend. Yes, it was hectic. Yes, as usual, we had too many places to be and things to do. However, somehow, it managed to encompass all the best elements of summer. (Ok, all the best elements short of "cottage life" at Bear Lake - come back in August to read about that.)

Friday evening we stayed home and watched my cousin's kids while they went to a wedding. Everyone was in fine form and drawn to outside play. A few extra neighbor kids joined in and we achieved that perfect level of total chaos. While six children aged seven and under ran around shrieking, playing tag and hide-n-go-seek, we sat on the porch with neighbors and solved the problems of the world. Or perhaps just Lakepointe.

Saturday dawned --- and yes, pretty much we all practically saw dawn, or so it felt --- with both a swim meet and a softball tournament on the horizon. John took my oldest to her tournament, complete with coffee, a book, folding chair, and a mini cooler fool of string cheese to share. The younger two and I hopped on bikes and headed down to the swim meet at our park. While they agonized over which strokes to swim, I chatted with some of my favorite fellow parents and cheered them along. My youngest daughter swam competent (if not super speedy) 25 Free and 25 Breast. My son inched his way nearer to a dive to replace his signature belly flop start.

I spent time in the garden, weeding Saturday and a little planting Sunday. I sorely neglected my garden the past two years, so I can only face a patch at a time in my quest to take it back. Ok, I'm exaggerating, I can really only face about 6 feet of garden at a time. By Fall, I should have it right where I want it. And then it will all die.

I "slept in" Sunday until 8:30am. Am I the only one who finds that annoying when people tell me they "slept in" until anything before 10am. I know many of you are super overachievers, amazing early birds who save the world before 7:30am (or at least manage a work out, healthy breakfast, load of laundry and possibly dinner prep - same thing as world saving in my book) But, people, SLEEPING IN is only legit if it's 10am or later. Anything earlier is just being human like the rest of us.

But I digress....

While I indulged in an extra hour and a half of sleep Sunday morning, John and my son snuck out to fish for a couple of hours. They returned just in time for all of us to pack into the minivan and head back to the softball fields for single-eliminination tournament play. I won't bore you with the play by play, but the day was packed with all kinds of play - great hits, pitiful strikeouts, amazing catches, poorly executed plays, everything under the sun. Our team showed fantastic perseverence. We won our first game and went on to a second (unexpected by me). We threatened making it to the Championship game (which would have meant 10 hours on the field for the day, 21 hours for the weekend) Sadly we lost. Not in any sort of spectacular way, just in a hard fought but outplayed kind of way.

The truly delicious part of the weekend was in the finale of it, however. As we debated heading to a local fireworks show with our enormously tired and cranky kids in tow, we received a call from friends of ours to join them at their parents lakeside home for a bonfire and our own personal fireworks show. We eagerly accepted.

The company was enormously fun. The fireworks were enormously illegal. The chaos was enormously --- well ---- chaotic. In the roots of that chaos my favorite moments were born and they were absolutely the essence of Summer.

My youngest begged us to let her jump into the lake in her clothes with the other kids (and a life jacket) of course. Seems pretty mundane for most of you, I'm sure. But my older two are (over)cautious in nature and I love to encourage they youngest's edginess and bravado in a positive way. As predicted she balked at the seaweed at first. And then we had to force her out of the water eventually because everyone else was done.

My son lit his first firework. Again, probably something that seems run of the mill (or possibly horrifying, depending on your perspective). But he is one of the aforementioned (over)cautious ones. It was an exciting big step and made him "one of the boys".

And seriously, just to hear the carefree joyful laughter at the fun and fesitivities from my oldest when she had been brooding just an hour earlier about her hitting slump, made the evening more than worth the price of admission (a bottle of wine and two lawn chairs, if you're curious).

As if that were not all enough, I am thrilled to be heading to bed (too late, of course) with my hair smelling of the heady bonfire scent and the heat of a little too much sun on my skin. Monday doesn't look quite as daunting as usual.

Pondering the Dangers of Assumptions

If I have learned nothing in this past week, I have learned that I should never assume I really know other people or their circumstances.

The lurid details (and rumors) plastered over the "newswaves" about our local men's hockey coach are all the more disturbing because he was among us. The hindsight I am hearing from people - "I always thought he was odd..." "He gave me the creeps from the first time I met him..." - is only that. Hindsight. However real these feelings may have been, they weren't enough to raise the red flags that it is easy NOW to see were so clearly warranted.

While I was not acquainted with the man, some of my family and friends were. And they are completely stunned. I would never, in a million years, call these people naive. Or suggest that they should have spoken up. By all accounts, everyone closest to him is blown out of the water. No matter how many "smoking guns" FOX 2 drags out (how convenient, NOW), nobody who spent time with him on a regular basis saw even a suggestion of what he been accused. He kept it deeply hidden.

In the midst of reeling over this, we learned of a fellow parent who died suddenly. He was a sweet, funny man who clearly adored his three lovely daughters. He spent loads of time with them, really seemed in touch with them and they obviously doted on him. I enjoyed running into him at school functions and soccer games. He always had a kind word about your kids and asked after you in a manner that showed he was interested in your answer.

His smiling face hid a private struggle as well. Nothing at all like the coach - NOT AT ALL. But he had demons that nobody who met him on the street would guess at. I certainly never would have guessed he was anything but completely happy-go-lucky.

Even before all of this I have been on a mission to help my kids see that everyone they come in contact with has a "back story". Whether it is the circumstances of their life or the conversation they had just prior to seeing you, the background carries over and matters. I stress to them that the only thing they should assume is that everyone has a reason for behaving the way they do - good or bad. That we should all try not to take negative encounters personally, because we never know what preceded them.

Savor the good, forgive the bad as much as possible and always, always listen to your instincts. If I can get that across to them, then my work here is done!

Parenting with "calculated carelessness"

A colleague of mine shared a link on Facebook that was dead on in reflecting the schizophrenia I feel sometimes in raising my kids.

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=93957764194&h=5Wp56&u=3V2Qh&ref=nf

If you view the comments that follow, a reader comments about a friend of hers who parents with "calculated carelessness". To quote ruralduke: "My friend says that he brings up his children with "caculated carelessness." He explains that he cannot stop them from riding bikes on the street, but that he see to it that the brakes are working properly."

I like this notion. It is a refreshing bit of sense in a parenting world that has many of us constantly questioning ourselves from both ends. Am I too lax? Do I overparent? These questions seem to punctuate nearly every one of my days at some point.

The link also refers to the following blog, which I am intrigued by and plan to start following on a more regular basis:

http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

Any thoughts out there? What end of the spectrum do you tend to fall on? Or are you, like me, hamstrung right there in the middle, swaying to and fro?

Poppy's Work Camp

Cheers to my father, now known as Poppy. For many, many, many reasons. Not the least of which is his willingness to take on my kids three days a week through the summer, saving me untold dollars in babysitting money.

I believe he is actually making out on the deal currently though. Through slave labor. My husband shared with me this morning that the youngest two were lamenting about the "work camp" Poppy is running.

For instance:

"We're not allowed to have breakfast until we do certain jobs"
"Breakfast was just one yogurt"
"He doesn't let us have ANY breaks"

Now I know for a fact that he picks them up from the park (swim practice) and gives them at least a half hour of down time, in which he generally cooks them either scrambled eggs or an omelet. I also know he gives them jobs to do, mostly gardening to date, for a couple hours. Then they generally have a couple more hours of complete vegging - TV, computer, video games, etc. So I find this pretty funny.

My dad keeps announcing his intention to work these kids defensively, like I'm going to protest. Oh, heck no! I'm so on board. As a matter of fact, my goal is to keep Work Camp going on the days they are home.

So, cheers to Poppy! I'm thrilled that they are not on their butts for 6-7 hours a day and I'm delighted that he is getting some help out of the deal. Keep working them!

In Defense of our Color Coded Calendar

For years I have endured ribbing, rolled eyes, raised eyebrows about how hectic the Clexton family schedule is. And that is all just from my husband!


If you have spent any time in my kitchen, you have seen the evidence via the calendar on our fridge - complete with color coding for each family member (and I found an online color codable one I can access anywhere - BLISS - at cozicentral.cozi.com) It is the only way to make sure everyone gets to where they need to be and then returns home, without incident, in my book. I need the visual layout to help me navigate conflicts - and trust me, there are definitely conflicts! Four out of five of us have multiple involvements outside of school and work.


As much as possible I try to handle both figuring out the schedule and doing as much of the transporting as possible (see my earlier BLOG about logistics). If I have to call in help or car pool, I am usually the one to do this. I operate on the theory - the less hassle it is to others, the less hassle I will get! This is why they call it a theory - reality is, of course, completely the opposite.


So I submit to my critics the following Washington Post article - http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/27/AR2008092702644.html

Salve for those of us who are so "done" with the snide Super Mommy remarks and the covert guilt that we are piling on too much for our kids!

Mad Mommy? Or Mean Mommy? You Decide....

School has officially been out for my kids for a little over 5 hours and already I am "Mean Mom". Phew! That must be some kind of record.

Why - you ask? Because I am making them go to swim practice today.

Even though it is pouring rain (you swim in water, right?)..................

Even though they already went twice this week (um, practice is actually all 5 days)...........

And yes, GOD FORBID, even though it is the first day of summer vacation..........

Does "I hate you" and "You are mean" signal that I am officially doing my job?

Honorary Degree in Logistics....

....I'm waiting for mine.

It has been my premise for some time that any parent with two or more children who participate in extracurricular activities (or one child in 3 or more activities), should automatically be awarded an honorary degree in logistics.

For instance, at any given time my oldest might be playing softball (travel, naturally!), volleyball and/or swimming. At one point this past Winter into Spring - she had all three going on. My son is my "easy" one - with only Drama and swimming. The youngest was in gymnastics, jazz, ballet and Daisies this past year. She has a new "life plan" and will "only" be in swimming, Irish Dance and Brownies this upcoming year.

And those of you who know me well are hopefully mentally noting that I am not facing this schedule in a vaccum - OF COURSE I have my own things going on - PTO, Book Club, etc. Not to mention, my "real job".

Now, this is all afterschool and on weekends. Often either simultaneously or, worse, at precariously staggered times in opposite ends of the city. Dinner time? Surely you jest. Does it count as "seated for family dinner" every night if we are all sitting in the same car for 10 minutes noshing?

I've never felt I am particularly talented. I'm not at all artistic, don't have a flair for decorating, not very adept at housecleaning, pretty average cook, smart - but not brilliant or even all that witty.

Family logistics is my one superpower, I think. Keeping all the proverbial balls in the air (read - getting everyone where they need to be) is something I am pretty good at. I can't say I do it alone - I certainly have my "village"! But I count figuring out where I need help as part of my skill. I found a great tool to replace my endless bulky catalogs - cozicentral.cozi.com - through the Parents magazine website. An online color-codable calendar - NIRVANA!!!!

I figure at this point, not only do I deserve the Logistics degree, but it should be summa cum laude and coming from a fairly prestigiuos University.

So, I'll be waiting.... Probably in a minivan similar to the above.... Possibly checking my Blackberry for the next stop.... Perhaps munching on a granola bar to tide me over.....

But waiting nonetheless!

My Little Shopper

Last night I hosted a Butterfly Boutique (jewelry, purses, scarves, etc) at my mom's house for a handful of family and girlfriends. My daughters ended up at the house, along with our friend, Em.

Not surprisingly, we adult "girls" gushed over the products, modeling and taking turns in front of the mirror.

Somewhat surprisingly, my 13 year old glanced about a bit and then headed outside to play. She later came in and looked more carefully at a few things, but wasn't "over the top" enthusiastic.

Very surprisingly (ok, this is a little laughable for those of you who know Natalie.), my 7 year old was DEFINITELY enthusiastic! First she was my shadow - insinuating herself right into the circle of women at my side. Then she abandoned me to shadow the Butterfly rep, chattering relentlessly about all of the things she wanted from the product line. This savvy and kind lady redirected some of her energies with small tasks, but it did not slow down her commentary. She completely rejected the notion of playing outside with the older girls - way too much fun inside!

Her benevolent (sucker?) Nana purchased a trinket for her and for her sister, saving me the agony. But her dedication and persistence have me wondering if she should just start direct sales for them now. She'll need the consultant discount to pay for all the things she wants.

Lord, are we in trouble!

Six more mornings....

....until school is out! And the sixth one doesn't really count because there are no backpacks and no lunches involved. Hallelujah!

I am NOT a morning person. I am pleasant enough. I just resist waking up and getting up with every fiber of my being. Once upright I'm fine. But that resistance thing slows me down so I am always running late, always pushing the clock, always behind.

Of course, that means my children are also. Poor things. Because, while I can be very effective, even in my tardiness....they are less so. They don't deserve the drama that is inevitible.

I should resolve to wake earlier and fix this situation. It hardly seems worth it for six mornings.

Maybe in September?

Finally found my way back....

Even the nagging of my wonderful and encouraging sister somehow did not inspire me to make this BLOG a priority. Yet here I am again - like a bad penny!

I owe this latest motivation to a good friend's husband who writes a great BLOG - definitely worth checking out - Old Wahoo. He is a journalist/dad who shares great personal stories, musings, links, resources, etc. Often regarding parenting but sometimes just random. Always well written and entertaining.

Also generally very simple. Hence the inspiration.

I think I started out trying to hard at this. The point was to exercise regular writing. I quickly pressured myself to strive to be either constantly witty or, failing that, visually entertaining. As hilarious as I find my life at times, it is simply not possible to post consistently and always be dazzling. Therefore, I psyched myself out.

Old Wahoo showed me that posts can be short and simple sometime and still be interesting. So, I'm back to posting, hopefully more often. I will try not to be completely boring but I won't promise "jazz hands" with every post. Hope some of my friends find their way back here!